Cayla's Birthday

Hi! I know I have been MIA for awhile. Cayla's first birthday is today; I am not usually a cryer (I wish I could cry more often --it is just so healing!) yet here I am at 1:30 in the morning crying and remembering the birth of our baby.

It is sometimes easy to live outside of the reality that I nourished, carried, loved, labored and held this little person in my hands. She was actually flesh and blood, not a figment of my imagination or the experience just a bad dream.

Today I was cleaning out some drawers in our bedroom and came across the plastic hospital bag that still held the maternity pajamas I was wearing when I was admitted into labor and delivery. It also holds a couple of the blankets Cayla was initially wrapped in. All these months I've known they were in there yet couldn't bear to remove them, let alone touch them and put them into the wash. What am I supposed to do with them once they are clean? I don't think I can bring myself to ever wear them again yet I can't imagine ever throwing them away (and I am NOT a hoarder; in fact I'm known for being a hoarder's worst nightmare/germaphobe). So I took the bag out of the drawer and put it into the dirty clothes basket. Baby steps. That's all I can take each day.

You have absolutely no idea how much each prayer said, card sent and warm hug has helped us this year. Thank you. Please continue to pray for healing and wholeness for our family.