Six Months

Random thoughts:

Our sweet Cayla has been gone 6 months today. Oh, how I miss her so.

I was thinking at church tonight something I've thought many times but being as it is Good Friday, it is at the forefront of my heart. God knows how it feels to lose his baby. Somehow this brings me so much peace -if God knows how this feels, he must know what will comfort me, heal me, make me better.

God is just good. All the time. I can experience joy in the midst of everything else. What freedom!

Easter is my favorite holiday. Such a sense of rebirth, renewal, excitement, anticipation, remembrance. This year we are hosting our family's Easter celebration. I'm excited about eating out on the patio next to Cayla's beautiful garden and fountain, with the essence of orange blossoms and lilac and the lulling drone of the water cascading down into the basin. Peace. Serenity. Almost feels like Cayla will be there. Yet the reminders that she isn't -like passing through the baby girl section at the store wishing I had her here to dress her up. We will not get to dress her up in a cute little frock, showing her off to the world. I picture her smiling as she watches her brother and sister prance around the yard. She would probably be rolling around all over the place by now. I wonder if she would be chunky like Jonas or a little bird like Eden? We won't have our family picture with her in it --it still feels like we're missing someone. Some would say that it does no good to allow myself to dream about what our lives would be like if she were still with us, but it always comes full circle. I always realize that where she's at, it's like Easter every day. She is more well taken care of in Jesus' hands than she could ever be in mine. I still miss her, though.