Memorial

I thought I would write a post since it's been a while. There are so many things I could say but really I don't have anything profound. It's been 4 months and two days since baby Cayla arrived. We finally had her memorial service this last weekend. It was beautiful. There were over 100 friends and family there to celebrate her life with us. The whole service was perfect, and her garden is beautiful. I am really proud of all the work we put into the house and garden to get ready for the event. It came and went pretty fast, though, since we were so busy trying to check all our to-do's off the list. I really had hoped we'd have most of it done at least a week out so that we would have more time to process through it all. Well we all know how that goes...

My friend Melissa (we've been friends since we were 8 years old) flew down from the Bay Area. We are like sisters, she and I. She has literally been there through thick and thin with me. To have her here with us meant so much. We stink at calling each other and being there for the day-to-day stuff in each other's lives but when something big happens we're always there for one another. We're family. That's what you do.

And then there's Dana. She flew all the way out from Virginia to be here with us. I am humbled by the sacrifices she made to be here --talk about a faithful friend. Without Dana and Melissa here it would've been a lot harder for us to finish everything in time for the service. Plus just having them here was good for me emotionally. We are so blessed by what we do have and are trying to not be so hurt by what we don't.

As much as the absence of some hurts I'm going to rejoice in the fact that everything else was just so perfect at the memorial. The people, the yard, the worship songs played, the message Pastor Kevin gave, the joy in the midst of such sorrow. Not to mention TWO chocolate fountains!

Now, how are we doing, you ask? Okay. Just okay. Joe seems to be pretty good but last week I was really depressed or at least that's what I think it was. I don't ever remember feeling so low in my whole life. I just didn't want to face the world. I wished I could just forget any of this had ever happened so I could just pick up where I left off. I was crying a lot and very edgy and detached. Thank God there were only a few days of that. Jesus truly is my hope and comfort, my strength, my shield, my light in the midst of incredible darkness. He restores. He renews. He loves. That is enough for me. It has to be.