Although I'm only 35 weeks along, I'm measuring close to 50 due to all the extra amniotic fluid. I'm in so much pain physically that it's hard to think about the emotional side of things. Sadly, we're not going to make it to 38 weeks for induction as we had planned. So Cayla is going to be born sometime the first week of October. Please pray she is alive when she comes out! She's so strong and moves so much it hurts...I'm hoping this is a sign of things to come. We had a couple elective 4-D ultrasounds at 34 weeks and had tons of pics taken of her in the womb. They were so amazing. I would DEFINITELY do this if you get the chance...seeing her at her best in this life was breathtaking.
I can't help but feel a little guilty about not being able to give Cayla a couple more weeks of "the good life" inside my womb. At the beginning I thought this journey was going to be so long and awful. Yes, it's been long but as a mommy, NOT LONG ENOUGH. We never want to have to say goodbye to our babies, do we? Even when we know they're going to a better place and we'll see them again.
I just keep thinking about not getting to read to her every night, nursing her, watching her grow. This is so hard. I'm broken. Thankfully, I know I won't always be this way.
-Carly
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5 comments:
Carly,
Thank you for sharing your beautiful words. Reading them brings tears to my eyes. We are praying, praying, praying for you. Let us know what else you need.
Thanks, friend.
You and Joe are amazing parents b/c you're looking to the Lord with your hands open and not trying to grasp onto anything. THAT is probably the hardest thing to ever do in life and you both are amazing at it. I pray for your body to be eased of pain and for God's strength and peace to reign in your hearts.
btw- I love that she moves around so much and has such life in her right now...that is so amazing!
i love you guys...
Carly,
I want you to know that Odie and I are praying for you and your family. If there is anything that you need, please, let us know.
Oh. Carly... i'm so sorry. you are making me cry with your words. You know what? Im expecting too. (i'm almost 11 weeks) so reading what you are going through makes me think of that little being that is growing inside of me. I know God will give you the strength to go trough this..because with out him i'm not sure how you would be able to take this deep pain.
love you guys and miss you
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