Baby Cayla Update

She has a little bit more of a forehead than that...she's just so far into my pelvis that it gets cut off. Because her forehead is so small it makes the extra skin kinda bunch up around her eyes, and of course her ears are flopping down because there's nothing to hold them up.

Praise God she is still in my tummy! We had quite a scare on Monday night –I was almost admitted to the hospital and we really aren’t ready for Cayla to go yet.

I’ve been having a terrible pain in my ribs and back now for about a month but by Monday it got so bad that I couldn’t find comfort in any position so I finally decided to send an email to my midwife asking her what she thought I should do. I was pretty sure I didn’t have any sort of infection because I didn’t have a fever or any other symptoms associated with something like a UTI or kidney infection, but at that point was willing to do anything that might help me. The midwife called back like a ½ hour or so later and told me it was important to get checked out on account of the pain. So I went to the hospital even though I really didn’t want to go –I just didn’t think it was that big of a deal and I didn’t want to spend the money on it.

It took about an hour for the doctor to come in to tell us that I was most likely going to be admitted because I was dilated 1 cm., 60% effaced, and having contractions every 1-2 minutes. She said even if that weren’t the case, I’d be admitted if they found a serious infection, too. So either way we looked at it, I was most likely going to have to stay. Waaaaaa! The worst thing the doctor told us was that on account of me having so much extra amniotic fluid and Cayla being so small still (probably about 4 lbs.) I may have to have a C-section because her head may not fully engage and stay put…never mind the fact that she’s been head-down for weeks. Ugghhh. I was so irritated with that. The other major thing was that we were scheduled for an appointment to see Cayla and get a DVD of her on the big 4D ultrasound machine the next day. We would’ve been so heartbroken not to get the chance to see her at her best before she leaves us. So we just prayed and asked some friends to pray and it worked!

The doctor came in a while later and said that she found a little bit of bacterial waste in my urine so that probably meant that I had a UTI, which could be causing the preterm labor. She said with that knowledge she was comfortable letting me go home with some antibiotics and vicodin to help with the pain. Another reason she prescribed the vicodin was to try to relax my muscles enough to “trick” them out of contracting. Yay!

Well, it’s been two days and honestly I’m still contracting just as much and am in just as much pain. I’ll give it a day or two to settle down before calling to see what they want me to do. I’ve decided to not take the vicodin anymore because of the effect I saw it had on Cayla. Unfortunately when we went to the ultrasound, she hardly moved at all which is very uncharacteristic for her (she has many very violent movements pretty much all day long). Joe was really sad he didn’t get to see her move much in there. Thankfully, we’ll be going back in on Saturday (thanks, Uncle Brian and Aunt Debbie) just to get another video of her. We got so many pictures and 40 mins of footage so we want to go in real quick to see her move some more. Side note: if you EVER want to have this experience with one of your unborn kids, PLEASE go to the Ultrasound Experience in Mission Valley. The women there were soooooo kind to us and went above and beyond what we expected.

How we’re feeling:

Honestly as time is running out I’m getting more and more sad and it’s hard. I have conflicting feelings because I am sooooo incredibly uncomfortable (I can hardly walk, really) and tired that I long for the day to have my body back, but at the same time don’t necessarily feel ready to give my baby up yet. But then I remember how this whole thing is really being orchestrated by God and He knows all the details and has it all planned out already. He’s gotten us this far and will be with us –guiding, bringing peace and comfort, and even sustaining me physically until the very end.

I hate this. I hate this so much, yet I feel a sense of honor at the same time knowing that He chose us to be Cayla’s mommy and daddy and that we have done everything we can to give her the best life possible, full of love. As we love her, we are loving God and His creation and there is power in that.

As humans we have a predisposition to look at things and rate them based upon what we think to be important, whether it be physical attributes, physical capabilities, mental capabilities, how much money we have or don’t have, etc. and translate those things into whether or not that life amounts to anything. God’s sense of perfection and worth does not level with the human measure. He peers into the soul. He knows us intimately from the moment of conception! Since I’m being completely honest here, I have to admit that seeing the malformation of Cayla’s little face on that big screen was really hard for me at first. But then I remembered the name God gave me for her – “unblemished.” THAT is how He sees her. THAT is how she will be in Heaven. To us, it seems so unnatural and scary but not to God.

Life is about so much more than being comfortable. I am so proud to be offering my body as a living sacrifice of worship to Jesus. In all we are doing for Cayla we are honoring God and I wouldn’t change it. I just wish it came with less stretch marks! Ha!